Master Ping/Transcript
Written here is the full transcript of the episode "Master Ping" from the television series Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness. This transcript has been separated into three segments, indicated accordingly to the episode's commercial breaks. Character dialogue lines were originally written by the episode's screenwriter, . Descriptions shown between italicized brackets were written by action=history}} contributors of this article. __TOC__ Act 1 episode opens up to a 2-D animation sequence. A character has his face hidden under a rice hat. MR. PING (Voice Over): His name was Di Tan. character looks up and is revealed to be a goose. MR .PING (V.O.): Never had there been anyone so incredible! He traveled the countryside, selling noodles. Tan travels with a cart. He comes to a in a crowd of villagers. He then pulls out bowls of noodles. DI TAN: I'm selling noodles. RABBIT: It is Di Tan, the famous noodle seller! GOAT: Selling his noodles! PIG: He will sell some to me! MR. PING (V.O): Di Tan's noodles were the best in all of China! Tan's cart shines a ray of golden light into the sky, then it begins raining noodles into the mouths of the villagers. MR. PING (V.O.): Not too firm, not too limp, and no starchy aftertaste. stops raining noodles. PIG: No starchy aftertaste! Look inside my mouth to see it is true! Pig opens her mouth to show the noodles. Villagers bow down to Di Tan. PIG 2: Oh great Di Tan, what do we owe you for such amazing noodles? DI TAN: Well-- how much do you have? [End of 2-D animated sequence. Mr. Ping continues telling his story in the Noodle Shop.] MR. PING: Not only was Di Tan a legendary noodle seller, but he had a good head for business. He made a fortune. Isn't that an exciting story. [ Po and Monkey are revealed to be at a nearby table. They appear disinterested in Mr. Ping's story, Monkey is even falling asleep with his head in a bowl. Monkey lifts his head. His face has noodles on it.] MONKEY: Not really. MR. PING: What are you talking about?! PO: Dad, ugh, it's about noodles. up and gets excited. If you really want to make a story exciting, it needs some Kung Fu! MONKEY: That would help. MR. PING: My noodle story does not need any Kung Fu'! It's exciting just the way it is! '' ''Ping gets angry and begins pacing. MR. PING: Kung Fu... Kung Fu... Kung Fu! Does everything always have to be about Kung Fu?! PO AND MONKEY: Yes. MR. PING: It's like talking to radishes... Never mind. Here put this on. Ping approaches Po and tightly ties an apron on him. MR. PING: I need you to watch the shop while I run some noodle errands. Ping begins walking off. PO: But dad! MR. PING: It's only for a little while son. and turns around. Push the bean buns, they're about to go bad. Ping continues leaving. PO: Uh... Ping leaves, but he peeks back in. MR. PING: And watch the pressure on the rice cooker, don't let it get too high. and peeks back. And no Kung Fu Ping leaves, leaving Po and Monkey bored and disinterested. PO: Ugh! walks over to the kitchen to grab a bowl of noodles. He puts noodles on [[Mrs. Yoon]'s table, when a commotion begins stirring up.] BAO: I said where?! pigs, Bao, [[Tsao], and Lao, walk into the Noodle Shop. Bao picks up a rabbit by the ears and begins questioning him.] BAO: Where is the Dragon Warrior?! terrified rabbit points toward the kitchen area. Bao throws the rabbit away and begins approaching Po. The pigs pass Po and walk over to Mrs. Yoon. BAO: the table. You are the Dragon Warrior?! PO: Over here fellas. takes a stance. BAO: Oh, sorry. pigs approach Po. BAO: You are the Dragon Warrior?! PO: In the fur! Help you guys with somethin'? Bean bun? holds a bowl of bean buns closer to them. TSAO: Does it have bean? 'Cause I can't have bean. takes the bean buns away. The pigs begin bowing to Po. BAO: Oh, great Dragon Warrior, we are distant travelers who have heard of your amazing proclivities, both far and wide and... And wide and uh... Err, shoot! becomes confused. Bao pulls out a scroll and reads off of it. BAO: It so we come to you, the Dragon Warrior, to complete our training, you will teach us the secret moves of Kung Fu. PO: Wow, thanks for the uh, reverence and um, lauding my proclivities and all, but uh, 'fraid I can't help you. pigs stop bowing. BAO: Why not? PO: That's why they're called secret moves, they're secret, and dangerous. Some people might use them for evil. BAO: Not us, we are good, very good! and Lao begin laughing wickedly. Bao elbows Lao to make him stop. Lao hits Tsao. The three pigs begin fighting, with Bao grabbing Tsao in a headlock and Lao repeatedly hitting Bao in the back. Po watches as the three continue beating on each other. The pigs realize that Po is watching them and they stop fighting. BAO: Please, you must teach us! PO: Only Master Shifu decides who learns the secret moves. Sorry guys, can't help you. Sure you don't want a bean bun? holds the bowl of bean buns closer to the pigs. Bao slaps the bowl to the ground. BAO: You will teach us or else! PO: Or else? grabs Bao's fist when he punches at him, throwing him on a table and breaking it. Customers run away out of fear. MONKEY: You guys aren't very bright, are you? gets up and starts fighting with Monkey. Po dodges Tsao's hits, making him hit Lao. Monkey knocks down Bao, never dropping his bowl of noodles. Po fights off Tsao and Lao, when Tsao puts a table between Po and himself, Po smashes a bowls of noodles into Tsao's face. Tsao punches Po, bringing the fight into the kitchen. All three pigs fight Po in the Kitchen, making items fall and fly out of the kitchen. Monkey remains in the dining area eating his noodles, catching and using a spice on his food. Po hits the pigs into a group and then hits them out of the restaurant. BAO: This isn't over, we will learn the secret moves, then return to destroy you! pigs leave. BAO: Wait, where did we park the cart? pigs turn around, passing the Noodle Shop again. BAO: You are so gonna get it! Ping begins arriving back. PO: 'Kay bye. Nice meeting you! MONKEY: Have a good day! PO: Hey dad, you won't believe what just... MR. PING: at the sight of his restaurant. PO: What? [The building begins falling apart as smoke rises out of the kitchen. The three look at the building explodes. Mr. Ping faints. At the Jade Palace Hall of Warriors, Po arrives with Mr. Ping and his noodle cart.] PO: Anyway uh, things got a little outta control and... SHIFU: And you would like your father to stay here while repairs are being made to the Noodle Shop. PO: (Whispers) Not really. SHIFU: Pardon? PO: I mean, of course I do, it's just that he's uh, you know, just uh, he can be a little hard to live with. SHIFU: In out own way, we are all hard to live with, Po. approaches Mr. Ping. PO: Not like this. SHIFU: Mr. Ping, we would be honored to have you as our guest in your time of need. bow to one another. Please consider the Jade Palace your home, and do as you would normally do. So sorry about your shop. MR. PING: Ah, well, what can you do? That's Po, Laughs. but you've lived with him for a while now, so you know... SHIFU: Indeed I do. PO: Okay, dad. begins escorting Mr. Ping out. MR. PING: Uh, by the way, did the cleaning lady quit? PO: Moving on dad. SHIFU: I'm sorry? MR. PING: Uh, these floors look like they were mopped with butter, and all this Coughs. dust. PO: nervously. Gotta go, dad. and Mr. Ping leave. Shifu wipes the floor and checks for dust. Later that evening, Po, Shifu, Mr. Ping, and the [[Furious Five], eat in the dining room of the Student Barracks. Mr. Ping servers the group.] MR. PING: Oh, Po was so cute when he was little, he couldn't say the word "tomato", he said "amamamomo". and the Five laugh, much to Po's humiliation. PO: A lot of babies can't say words. MR. PING: You were ten. and the Five laugh again. Shifu and the Five begin eating their soup. TIGRESS: This soup is amazing, Mr. Ping! MANTIS: You can stay here as long as you want! CRANE: Absolutely! MR. PING: Oh, I just remembered another one, when Po was five his... jumps on Mr. Ping and begins leading him out of the room. PO: Okay dad, it's been a long day. Wha'd ya' say we get to our room? MR. PING: But it's early. SHIFU: Actually, that's an excellent idea. Five stand up. SHIFU: I need you all alert for your training tomorrow. I will be demonstrating the Chao Wa Punch Kick. It is a highly dangerous move, and each one of you needs to get a good night's sleep. night, everyone returns to their rooms. Po is in the same room as Mr. Ping. Po is preparing to sleep, but when he closes his eyes, Mr. Ping starts making loud noises and blowing his nose. Po quickly sits up. PO: What happened?! Ping sits up. MR. PING: I need to clear my sinuses. Ping starts bending his neck and yelling. PO: Can you clear 'em a little quieter?! two lay back down. Seconds later, Mr. Ping begins blowing his nose loudly. Tigress grimaces and turns her head, Mantis hides under a bowl, Viper curls around herself to try and block out the noise, Crane sticks his head in a pot and Monkey covers his ears. Shifu is meditating in a room full of candles, when Mr. Ping's noises start disrupting his meditation. SHIFU: Peace... Ping moans. SHIFU: Peace... Ping blows his nose loudly. SHIFU: Peace... Ping starts yelling. SHIFU: Peace! [The candles go out as Shifu slaps the floor. Mr. Ping continues making noises. The next day, Po, Shifu, and the Five meet in the Training Hall. They have their eyes half-shut and are slouched over from lack of sleep.] SHIFU: (Groggy) The Chao Wa-- Punch Kick, is one of the most secret moves contained in the secret scrolls. Um, would someone wake up Tigress, please? is asleep on Po's shoulder. Po taps her on the arm and she quickly wakes up, reflexively hitting Po in the face and knocking him down. TIGRESS: Forgive me, Master Shifu. SHIFU: No, his throat. the Chao Wa Punch... Ping arrives with a noodle cart. MR. PING: Morning everyone! Ping, being wide awake, startles Po and the Five, who flinch at the noise. MR. PING: Oh, what a glorious day. You wouldn't happen to have one-hundred pounds of beetroot, would you? SHIFU: Beetroot? MR. PING: Yes, I'm making a big batch of soup! PO: Ugh! SHIFU: Uh, beetroot, I don't... Excuse me Mr. Ping, but we're in the middle of training. MR. PING: Ah, sorry. glances at Mr. Ping, who, instead of leaving, decides to stand their quietly. SHIFU: his eyes. Now, the Chao Wa Punch Kick... MR. PING: I'll just use bok choy. PO: Aw! SHIFU: Pardon? MR. PING: Instead of beetroot, I'll use bok choy! Ping holds out a bok choy at Shifu. SHIFU: Yes, fine, "bok choy," away the bok choy. you do that. Where was I? Ping starts walking away with his cart. MR. PING: The Chao Wa Punch Kick thingy. SHIFU: Right, the Chao Wa Punch Kick thingy... thing... move... falls asleep against Po, again. SHIFU: ...Must be delivered, to your opponent, precisely at the intersection of the medial metatarsal and abdomen. Like so. performs the technique on the [[Adversary]. When he hits it, it becomes stuck in a bent position. Mr. Ping pokes the dummy.] MR. PING: Seems like a lot of work. Why don't you just hit him with a stick? PO: Dad! MR. PING: Sorry, don't mind me. Ping walks away. SHIFU: Uh, right. When delivered precisely, the Chao Wa Punch Kick will render your opponent... Sniffs. Is something burning? is shocked when he sees Mr. Ping set a fire underneath the [[Jade Tortoise of Wisdom] and use it as a pot.] SHIFU: Mr. Ping! What're you doing?! MR. PING: Humming. Making soup. SHIFU: In the Jade Tortoise of Wisdom?! MR. PING: Well, I needed a big bowl, we're gonna have a lot of customers! SHIFU: Customers? a long line of customers forms from the Training Hall and down the stairs, as Mr. Ping serves noodle soup. SHIFU: Mr. Ping, this is our Training Hall not a restaurant! MR. PING: Don't worry, I'll split the profits even with you, uh, eighty-twenty. We'll make a fortune! Have you ever waited on tables? then, Bao, Tsao, and Lao arrive in the line. MR.PING: Shifu soup. That soup ain't gonna serve itself. Ping pushes Shifu away with four bowls of soup. APPLE CART DUCK: How's it goin' up here? MR. PING: Ah, just wonderful, Apple Cart Duck. I'm running the place. BAO: at Mr. Ping. That must be the one they call "Shifu." He will teach us the secret moves. LAO: Why would he do that? BAO: Because we're going to capture him and make him teach us! three pigs start laughing and beating each other up. of Act 1 Act 2 the crowd of customers now absent from the Training Hall's Courtyard, Shifu enters the Training Hall. He looks around. SHIFU: Where is everyone? Why aren't they training? exits the Training Hall and goes over to the Student Barracks. He looks inside some rooms and finds the barracks to be empty. Shifu walks up to the front of the Hall of Warriors, where he finds Mantis writing on a scroll. SHIFU: his throat. MANTIS: Sorry, we're booked up. SHIFU: Mantis. MANTIS: Oh, Master Shifu! Chuckles. Uh, don't worry, we can get you a table. Hmm, uh, yeah, I'm thinking seven-ish. enters the Hall of Warriors where, to his horror, he finds Po and the rest of the Five serving customers at tables. He also notices the customers using the artifacts as dining utensils, and a sign hanging from the golden dragon. TIGRESS: a bowl from Mr. Ping. Hey, Crane, hurry up with those bean buns. gets angry as he watches Mr. Ping cut vegetables. Then he calms himself down. SHIFU: Enough, is enough. talks to Po outside. SHIFU: Po, I've made a terrible mistake, your father has... PO: I know. SHIFU: And it's been... PO: I know. SHIFU: And I can't... PO: I know! SHIFU: So it's time... PO: I know. SHIFU: I've checked with Mr. Wong, and there is a room at his boarding house for your father. I'm so sorry, Po. away. PO: I know. finds Mr. Ping in his room at the barracks. Mr. Ping is holding a jar full of coins. MR. PING: I have more in one day than a whole month at the Noodle Shop. Amazing! PO: Listen, um, dad. I need to talk to you about something. and the Five stand outside the door and listen in on the conversation. MR. PING: I wanted to talk to you too, one of the best parts of this whole thing is that we've gotten to spend time with each other. sits. Father and son, it's just like the old days. And Master Shifu, taking me in like this, he's such a nice man. expression starts saddening. Po starts tensing up. MR. PING: Ah, I feel so loved. PO: Dad you have to go. MR. PING: What? PO: up. There's a room at Mr. Wong's. You can't stay here anymore, it's not working out. Sorry, dad. Ping remains silent, scowling at Po, making him laugh nervously. MR. PING: I see. I'll get my things. Ping grabs his money, puts on his hat, and approaches the door. PO: Uh, you don't have to go this minute. MR. PING: And stay where I'm not wanted? No thank you. Ping opens the door, startling Shifu and the Five. Before he exits, he turns to get his things. Shifu and the Five scramble to try to not look suspicious. Mr. Ping passes the group, as Monkey lifts Viper like a barbell and the rest of the group stare at walls. Po exits his room and the group watches Mr. Ping walk away. Mr. Ping walks down the stairs from the palace. MR. PING: My own son. Can you imagine that? Throwing me out on the street. Ping continues down the stairs where he bumps into Bao, Tsao, and Lao. BAO: Hello, Shifu. pigs capture Mr. Ping. At an unknown residence, the pigs shackle Mr. Ping. MR. PING: I'm not Shifu! I keep telling you, I'm Ping! I don't know anything about old Kung Fu. That boring stuff. I make noodles! BAO: You are trying to deceive us, just what I would expect from a master. LAO: He's very good. I would almost believe that he does make noodles. MR. PING: That's because I do make noodles! BAO: Shifu, you will teach us the secret moves of Kung Fu, or out a sword. this'll be your last night on Earth. MR. PING: Kung Fu, I thought you said Kung Fu, big difference you know. Let's get started. pigs unchain Mr. Ping and let him teach them his version of Kung Fu. MR. PING: Now this move is called out a stick. the stick, that's right, the stick. of the pigs hold a stick. MR. PING: Ready? Everybody raise your stick. pigs raise their sticks and accidentally hit each other. The three of them then start fighting, but Mr. Ping remains doing his stick move. MR. PING: Now extend. gloomily sits by the [[Peach Tree of Heavenly Wisdom], eating a peach. Mrs. Yoon arrives.] MRS. YOON: Po, I think something's happened to your father. runs down [[Peach Tree Hill] and Jade Mountain, where he finds his father's noodle cart flipped over.] PO: Huh tracks go off that way. Thanks Mrs. Yoon. Bye! runs off. Mr. Ping continues teaching the pigs Kung Fu. MR. PING: For this move you put your hands out like this. Ping puts his hands out in front of himself, the pigs do the same. MR. PING: Very good. And now we... Ping approaches Bao and sticks out his hands. MR. PING: Singing. Patty-cake, patty-cake, I'm going to... La, to... La... passes glances with his comrades. After a while he gets angry and slaps Mr. Ping's hands. BAO: What's that for?! MR. PING: Shrugs. The kids like it. BAO: a sword. You're still trying to deceive us! You have taught us nothing! We want the secret moves. MR. PING: But I don't kn-know... Wait, I know one. The Chao Wa Punch Kick. Ping gets all of the pigs into positions. MR.PING: And now you stand there, and you, you're going to do a turn, a punch, and kick. Ping performs the technique. MR. PING: But, you have to aim for right here. Ping points to Lao's belly. Bao performs the technique, causing Lao to freeze. BAO: What happened to him? MR.PING: (In wonder) I don't know. Uh, I mean (Normally) I don't know. But, I think it worked. BAO: You've done it Master Shifu, we will be forever grateful and appreciative of your mastery. and Tsao bow to Mr. Ping. Lao remains frozen and makes a gurgling sound. MR. PING: Oh, well... BAO: A move like this will make us invincible! There will be no one to stop us! And I know the first one to try it out on, the Dragon Warrior. laughs. MR. PING: Oh, Po! What have I done?! of Act 2 Act 3 Po runs, he stumbles upon his father's noodle hat. PO: Dad! Dad! keeps running and eventually approaches Bao, Tsao, and Lao. BAO: Well, what'a ya' know, it's the Dragon Warrior, our first victim. stops Tsao from walking forward. BAO: He's mine! Ping gasps and stops Bao. MR. PING: No! BAO: What?! MR. PING: No! He's mine. Yes, I'm going to fight him, with fighting! BAO: Why? MR. PING: Because... Because... Because-- h-he doesn't appreciate me the way you all do. TSAO: Err... BAO: Come again? MR. PING: He takes me for granted as his um, master, and now he must pay. Now, no more questions! Ping approaches Po. The pigs make sure to watch him closely and follow him. PO: Dad! MR. PING: Po, get out of here son! and Tsao approach Po and Mr. Ping. PO: Oh, the pigs, a stance. I should've known it was you. pigs take stances. Mr. Ping looks around frantically and then hits Po. PO: Dad? Ping pushes Po down. MR. PING: You mean Master Shifu! to the pigs. My students often think of me as their father. up his fists. I'm gonna destroy you, panda! over to Po. Make it look good. Ping starts hitting Po. PO: Dad! moves Mr. Ping and stands up. Mr. Ping gets in front of Po. MR. PING: Shifu! PO: Why do you keep saying that? MR. PING: Because... toward the pigs. I will destroy you! BAO: Then do it already! Before we do. pigs take stances. Mr. Ping pushes the pigs away. MR. PING: Oh, back off. PO: Dad, get out of the way. moves Mr. Ping aside and moves closer to attack the pigs. MR. PING: You, on Po's face. fight me. Ping steers Po into a nearby shed. Po falls down. PO: Dad, what are you doing?! MR. PING: I'm protecting you, Po. Ping picks up a bucket and hits Po with it. MR. PING: And I'm mad at you! Po. You threw me out! PO: Dad, I'm sorry, but you're not always the easiest person to live with. MR. PING: Still, it's no way to treat your father! pigs approach the shack. BAO: What's going on here?! Ping swings a bucket at Po. Po jumps over a fence and dodges the attack. MR. PING: Master stuff. Ping pushes the pigs away with a hoe. MR. PING: Now get out! Shoo! Shoo! PO: I'm sorry dad, but bossing Shifu around, turning the Jade Palace into a noodle shop! You always want it your way! MR. PING: Me? scowls at Mr. Ping. MR. PING: I guess I was a little pushy. I'm sorry, son. BAO: Are you gonna destroy him or what?! Ping jumps on Po and hits him. MR. PING: I got it! I'm sorry. Ping knocks Po down and jumps on him. PO: It's okay dad, I love you! Ping flips Po over and smacks him. PO: Ow! Quit it! MR. PING: You do? PO: More than anything! hugs Mr. Ping. MR. PING: Oh, son. pigs are confused when they see Po hugging Mr. Ping. TSAO: I don't think we learned that move. BAO: Okay, you had your chance! MR. PING: Po, I did something terrible, I taught them the Chao Wa Punch Kick! PO: What?! BAO: Outta the way, Shifu! throws Mr. Ping outside. BAO: Alright panda, we have some unfinished business, and this time, things are gonna end different! and the pigs take stances. Po kicks a hoe at the pigs and begins fighting them. He is able to easily fight them off. Po hits Tsao through the wood. Mr. Ping hits Tsao with a plank. MR. PING: Leave my son alone! Ping bites Tsao on the hand. PO: Careful dad! fights Bao. He traps his hands in a wooden wheel and throws him out of the shack. Bao gets up and breaks the wheel and continues fighting Po. Tsao throws Mr. Ping off of his hand. Po does a swinging kick at Bao and knocks him into Tsao. Po runs and bumps into Lao, who is frozen from the Chao Wa Punch Kick. PO: Huh, he's frozen. and Tsao sneak up and continue to attack Po. Po uses Lao to defend against the pigs. Po throws Lao and fights the pigs. Tsao grabs Po's arms from behind. Bao gets in front of Po and raises his fist. Mr. Ping swoops down toward Bao, but Bao punches Mr. Ping and sends him into a wall. PO: Dad! flips and and makes Bao do the Chao Wa Punch Kick on Tsao, freezing him. Po runs over to Mr. Ping. PO: Dad? Ping lays with his eyes closed. PO: Dad! approaches Po from behind. Just then, Mr. Ping snaps awake and runs toward Bao. He then performs the Chao Wa Punch Kick on Bao, freezing him and knocking him down. PO: Way to go, dad! Sweet Chao Wa Punch Kick! MR. PING: Than you, son. Ping hugs Po. The two walk away from the area. MR. PING: Whew, you're right, Po, Kung Fu is way more exciting than noodles-- almost. pigs remain frozen as a thunderstorm approaches. In the village, Po, Shifu, and the Furious Five gather to let Mr. Ping into his renovated Noodle Shop. SHIFU: Mr. Ping, the Furious Five, Po, and I have worked hard to rebuild your noodle shop. It's the least we could do after... MR. PING: Kicking me out? SHIFU: Well... MR. PING: Oh, don't worry, you may be a lousy waiter, but you're a wise master. I deserved it. and the Five move to let Mr. Ping into the Noodle Shop. Mr. Ping cuts a red ribbon and looks inside. MR. PING: This was the only paint you could find? PO: Dad. MR. PING: I-I mean, it's... It's very nice. Thank you. Ping bows to Shifu. The group walks into the Noodle Shop. MR. PING: Who wants noodles?! Half price! of Act 3 of Transcript Category:Transcripts Category:Episode transcripts Category:Legends of Awesomeness transcripts Category:LOA Season 1 transcripts